Year: 2013

Location: West Hollywood, California

I'm sitting in a doctor's office in West Hollywood, waiting to hear what's wrong with me. 

All I can think about is cancer and a smorgasbord of diseases.

The doctor and nurse come in, they have x-rays and lab results. 

They say, "We think it's Raynaud's Phenomenon.”

Me, "Ray's what?" 

Doctor, "Raynaud's Phenomenon”

The doctor is talking but I can barely hear her because I’m weirdly obsessed with the name of this health condition I have. All I can see is Ray Romano, Ray’s Pizza, and X Files. It’s just funny to me. Of course I would have a health condition with the coolest name ever.

Suddenly I feel like I’m in the X Files.  

or like I’m Drew Barrymore in Firestarter with my hair blowing back.

I’m a phenomenon!

She begins to explain the medical details of this to me, but LL Cool J’s “Something Like A Phenomena,” is now swirling in my head. Which definitely beats cancer thoughts swirling in there.

She tells me to lay off the Holy Trinity of Vices: cigarettes, alcohol and caffeine. 

I’m listening but I’m also really fascinated by the name of this thing that I supposedly have. I have a phenomenon IN MY BODY?? That is kind of rad.

Later, I decided to name my left hand that hurts. I named her Storm, because she gets very cold like a thunderstorm, and I also really wanted to name a part of my body after one of the X-Men.

I lay off cigarettes and alcohol and the pain decreases. But every once in a while it will strike up again. I’m worried; am I getting older and having health conditions? I’m not ready to be like that. It can’t be time for that yet can it?

—————

Date: December 2014

Location: Bangkok, Thailand

Time: Approximately 4+ hours after my "fire rods in the arms" experience situation went down.

It’s the church’s usual evening worship service, and I am there and fully attentive.

Josh, the leader of this trip is up on stage, leading people in worship (if you’ve never been familiar with church stuff, worship it means people singing. There is of course so much more happening within their hearts and spirits as they do it but that is basic overview of what’s happenig.)

He’s on stage, and then he says something that I’ve never heard before in all my life. He says, “If you want to be baptized in fire, come forward.”

[SIDEBAR: There are a lot of weird myths about Christians doing weird things (especially in Southern parts of America) so I want to assure you that he was speaking metaphorically. There is no actual fire. No one is shaving their heads nor chickens being killed.

Rewind: Josh says, “If you want to be baptized in fire, come forward.”

And suddenly, I found myself running to the front. Not hesitantly walking, not skipping, RUNNING.

I mean I RAN up there. It was like an impulse. Which is odd since I’ve never even heard anyone say that before.

I am the first one up there and my hands are in the air.

And I’m standing there for about 0.5 seconds when it hits me, “Wait, what am I doing up here?”

Doubt starts to creep in.

Then I remember something that Lisa, one of the girls on the trip, once said to me, “Your words have power. Sometimes declaring things can help bring your spirit into alignment with what you’re saying.”

So here I am now, at the front of this giant church with my hands in the air, like I’m heckling God, “What you got boy? I’m here!” 

But I’m starting to get kind of self conscious. Like…what do I do now?

But I just had fire rods in my arms earlier in the day so I’m not leaving.

So I just start saying, out loud to myself,  “I believe and I receive. I believe and I receive. I believe and I receive. I believe and I receive.”

I kept saying it over and over and over and over to bypass my thoughts. I encourage you to say it, say it right now: “I believe and I receive.”

And then, I don’t know how to explain this, but my body just moved into position.

It was kind of like I had just moved into a yoga position, though it was not that.

Put the palms of your hands together (like you’re doing the prayer hands) then (while hands still together) point your fingers away from you, then flip your hands so that it’s not your palms together but the back of your hands are together.)

That’s the position I was in.

I started slowly pulling my hands a part. It was like I was opening something. Lisa told me later that I was “tearing the veil.”

I move my hands apart until my arms are fully extended on each side.

Then this heat starts to descend upon my hands. It’s swirling and it feels electric!

It feels like there is some kind of electric current lighting up my hands.

And it is INTENSE.

Denial and bargaining start kicking in.

I start to rationalize. My hands are asleep! My hands have fallen asleep, and this is a new sensation of my hands falling asleep.

But it’s moving around my hands, and my hands have NEVER felt like this before and it’s not going away and it’s not letting up. Something that feels like a ball of electricity is coursing and swirling all through my hands.

I just stand there in wonder at what is happening in my hands.

And then I think, “What do I do with this?”

I hear this voice say, “Give it away.”

FIRST OF ALL, who just said that to me?! And also…maybe I should try to do that?

So then I, rather trepidatiously, start (very softly) flapping my hands like I’m waving to people.

I wish I could show you what I was doing, it was pretty underwhelming for what was happening. It was my version of “giving it away.” Because oh, I don’t know, I’ve never had electric currents pulsing through my body nor a voice speak to me all at the same time.

But here I am slowly flapping my arms like a human bird.

But when I did it, I could actually feel this electricity shoot out of my fingertips.

I’m telling you, I felt like I was in some kind of Sci Fi movie.

IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING?

I stand there in shock and awe trying to figure out what is happening when I realize that I need to go talk to someone from my team about MY HANDS.

I turn around to try to walk amongst the crowd, I tap this woman’s shoulder (I’m talking barely touched her) to say, “Excuse me,” and move past her, but when I do this, her body goes flailing to the ground and she starts shaking like she’s being electrocuted.

I bump into someone else, and they crash to the ground and also look like they are being electrocuted. Something about what’s happening

I turn around and I see my teammate David sitting in a pew. He looks up at me and slowly says, “Oh …… my……. God.”

Suddenly Lisa comes running up to me and grabs me into a big hug, jumping up and down, yelling, “BREAKTHROUGH!!” 

She’s bursting with joy. 

People are excited.

I feel almost woozy.

I say [IN A DAZE], “My hands…something is happening with my hands.”

She goes, “Give it away!”

Oh right. That’s what the voice said to me. I guess that is a thing!

I go to lay hands on someone and pray for them.

I’m walking around the room and the room is spinning. My old reality is really starting to crumble. A new reality is forming. I’ve lived 34 years where the supernatural was a movie genre. Not a real thing.

WHAT IS LIFE? 

It’s all very overwhelming.

And then it’s my turn to fall to the floor. (Baby bird goes down.)

I just lay on the ground looking at this church’s ceiling and tears are streaming down my face.

My hands are pulsing.

My heart is pounding.

There is a God….

There is a God.

There is a flipping God you guys!

And God is not just a thing you have blind faith in.

God is very present and INTERACTIVE.

And there is more. There is more to life.

And I am never going to be the same.

——

To this day I haven’t had any Raynaud’s phenomenon symptoms.

So, do I think my old physical ailment is connected to this encounter?

I honestly have no idea. I’m not making a theology out of this.

I just think it’s interesting to explore.

Before Thailand, I didn’t really know God. I didn’t move in the Spirit, and then one day, my body starts reacting, it starts fritzing out, it starts getting cold. And then I have a radical encounter with God where a supernatural fire and electricity descends upon my hands. I just can’t help but wonder if there is a connection there.

I will start pointing out connections to explore more. The natural realm and the spiritual realm affect each other. Is there always a way to certifiably point it out? No. But it’s fun to explore. To be aware of.  To seek out.

To this day, sometimes I still get these electric currents spinning in my hands. The only way I can describe it is that it feels like tiny electric tornados are spinning in my hands. I know that sounds strange. But truth really is stranger than fiction. And Truth is a person, who wants to be your friend.